The Perks of Being a Wallflower (1999) by Stephen Chbosky

I was so excited to start my reading New Year’s resolution that I quickly picked a book and devoured the entire thing in a single day. I could not have picked a better book to read from my New Year’s Resolution book list. When I picked out my first book to read I had decided that I did not want to just go in the list order so I picked a random number out of hat and went with it. The result of this was The Perks of Being a Wallflower (1999) by Stephen Chbosky.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is narrated by a teenager who goes by the alias of "Charlie"; he describes various scenes in his life by writing a series of letters to an anonymous person, whom he does not know personally. The story explores topics such as introversion and the awkward times of adolescence. The book also touches briefly on drug use and Charlie's experiences with this. As the story progresses, various works of literature and film are referenced and their meanings discussed. At the very beginning of the book, Charlie is referred to as a wallflower for his ability to observe and understand things, but over the course of a year's worth of letters, Charlie explains the efforts of the people in his life to get him to "participate" or "do things" and the feelings and experiences he has as a result.

The author, Chbosky, names J.D. Salinger’s The Cather in the Rye as an inspiration, and he pays homage to Salinger’s work by naming it as one of the books that Charlie’s English teacher, Bill, gives him to read.

This was a great read for the New Year since it references quite a few books that are on my list such as Cather in the Rye (Salinger), The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald), and On the Road (Kerouac). It also mentioned a few books I might add to my list once I finish the initial 15: This Side of Paradise (Fitzgerald), Walden (Thoreau), The Fountainhead (Rand), Naked Lunch (Burroughs), and A Separate Peace (Knowles).

Just a few of my favorite lines:

• "Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."
• "And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."
• "My sister spent that next 10 minutes denouncing the Greek system of sororities and fraternities. She kept telling stories of 'hazing' and how kids have died before. She then told this one story about how she heard there was a sorority that made the new girls stand in their underwear while they circled their 'fat' in red magic marker." (my commentary on this... funny because these are still the same "rumors" that go around Greek life - I still joined a sorority).
• "Mark said that the amazing white stars were really only holes in the black glass of the dome, and when you went to heaven, the glass broke away, and there was nothing but a whole sheet of star white, which is brighter than anything but doesn't hurt your eyes. It was vast and open and thinly quiet, and I felt so small."
• "There's nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons. It was that great."

Moving on to my next book… Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (for obvious reasons).

1. “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw

2. “A River Runs Through It” by Norman Maclean

3. “Lolita” by Vladimir Nabokov

4. “On the Road” by Jack Kerouac

5. “The Red Badge of Courage” by Stephan Crane

6. “Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger

7. “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky

8. “1984” by George Orwell

9. “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand

10. “Outliers: The Story of Success” by Malcolm Gladwell

11. “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho

12. “The Last of the Mohicans” by James Fenimore Cooper

13. “Antigone” by Sophocles
14. “The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck
15.

Wordless Wednesday



Another fresh new year is here… another year to live! To banish worry, doubt, and fear, to love and laugh and give!

I figure now is as good a time as any to do a little recap of 2010. And overall I think that 2010 has been a great year, even through the sad times, this year has had so many exciting things happen.

Let’s start with about this time last year…

…I was thinking about joining the Navy. Seriously…me?...In the Navy? It’s simply laughable now. Obviously this leads up to the next point that happened in 2010.

…I got back into UCF. I swore to myself (and my entire family) that if I didn’t get back into UCF for Fall 2010 I was joining the Navy. Well, seeing as the above says that I didn’t join the Navy then you can see what happened.
…My older sister got married. It was a beautiful wedding and everyone had such a great time.

…I found out that I am going to be an Aunt (baby is due in May). This is super exciting because we haven’t had a baby in the family since my younger sister who just turned 21 in November. My cousin is also due with her first child in March (it’s a girl!) – fun times to be had by all!

…I started a new job. I wasn’t even actually looking for a job it just kind of fell into my lap back in August; I now work at an art studio much closer to UCF. Looking back I am still almost shocked that I actually did it, the country club was almost my safe haven, I was so comfortable there. Sure, I griped about it a lot, but I loved practically all of the people I worked with. There are definitely some that I miss more than others but overall I think I will stay in touch with most of them for many years.

And now on to all of the exciting things I’m already looking forward to in 2011.

…My little niece or nephew coming in May. And the super cute baptism in DC on my sister and brother-in-laws one year wedding anniversary at the same church they got married at.
…Possible internship in New Haven, Connecticut over the summer.

…My first semester back at UCF as a full time student starts next Monday!!

…Maybe falling in love for the first time and maybe my first time traveling internationally.
And just a few of my resolutions for 2011:

…Stop over analyzing everything.

…learn something new every month. I’m working on golf for January, one of the guys I worked with at the country club offered to teach me. Other things I’m looking at doing… tennis, kickboxing, rock climbing, surfing, glass blowing, and knitting. I’m sure once I get through all of these I’ll figure out some others to try.
Cheers to a happy and fruitful new year! I hope 2011 brings the best of everything!

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

My mom has been having to give me the “everything happens for a reason” lecture/chat/what have you, a lot recently.


It’s probably weird that I remember the first time she ever gave me this lecture, but I do. It was back in my senior year of high school when her and my dad had to sit me down and tell me that they were so proud of me for getting accepted into both of my dream schools (Temple University and Drexel University….both in Philly)but they couldn’t send me for financial reasons. They told me that it broke their hearts that this was the second time they had to give this talk to one of their kids because they had just done it three years prior with my older sister when she got accepted into Boston University. They had known how excited I was to go to Philly, it was like going home. My entire family is there. And for my mom, Temple University was extra exciting because it was her alma mater.

Needless to say, both my older sister and I ended up at UCF. It just made sense. We both had full ride scholarships. My mom and dad had sat both of us (my older sister and I) down at some point during our senior year and told us that “everything happens for a reason” and there was a reason that we were meant to stay in Florida and go to school. And they were, in fact, right. I mean I probably have a list miles long of people I would have never met had I gone in a different direction other than UCF; people who I know will be in my life forever. I’ve made amazing friendships through classes, sorority life, work, and even made amazing friends through other friends. And I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world – they mean so much to me.

Recently, I’ve been calling her a lot more than normal because she is the only person who can reassure me that everything is going to be okay. I tell myself every day that it is truly going to be okay. For Pete’s sake I wrote a whole blog entry about it, I ought to be able to fully believe it by now. Every time I call her in tears she says the same thing.

“Mariah, I know it’s not an ideal situation to have happened, but you know there is a purpose for all of this happening. Just think about it, had you not left UCF you would still be miserable as a Hospitality major. You would have never discovered how passionate you are for Art/Art History and being able to take the time to step back and realize that, at Valencia is a wonderful thing. I am so proud of how you have handled this entire situation and how much you have grown in the past two years.”

It’s actually a talk a lot longer than that, but that pretty much sums it up. I usually feel a million times better upon hanging up the phone after having one of these conversations with her, but recently that doesn’t seem to be the case. I feel like this stuff with UCF is a never ending fight and I am just getting tired and worn out from it, like my spirit is just being sucked from me.

I know my mom is right though. All of this is happening for a reason. Someday in the future I will look back on it and realize what that purpose was – but for now…bah...I’m just wicked confused and frustrated about it all.

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I just wanted to wish all of my readers a very Happy Valentine's Day. Whether you have a Valentine, or are like me and lacking one, I hope you all take some time out to spread the love! I just wanted to share with ya'll some of my favorite quotes. Enjoy!

1. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

2. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

3. "The circus is a lot like love...if it's a good one, if it's truly a good one... it's beautiful and terrifying and magical... All at the same time"

4. “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”

5. "The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

6. “I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

7. "After awhile you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh."

8. “Love is like an earthquake-unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over you realize how lucky you truly are.”

9. "Love is not a feeling, it's an ability."

10. "It doesn't matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other."

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Folks, there really must be something in the air….and for this lady right here, it is most definitely NOT love. Just wanted to clear that up from the beginning. There is no love to be seen within like a million mile radius around me. And I’m totally cool with that.


I don’t know what it is. I woke up yesterday and was just happy. Yes, I’m typically a happy person (for the most part), but this was a different kind of happy. The kind of happy that you only feel when you realize and fully understand that everything is going to be okay. The kind of happy where you are completely content with everything in your life right at this moment and cannot find a single reason to complain. Sure, you may not be where you thought you would be, but that’s okay.

I actually walked into work today a little before 10 o’clock this morning in an amazing mood…and surprisingly left the exact same way 12 hours later. And it’s weird. People notice. They notice when you spend the entire day happy and in a pleasant mood. I actually had a few people ask me what I was smoking and that they wanted some of whatever it was.

I don’t need the boy (boyfriend, fiancée, husband, sugar daddy, whatever), the white picket house thing, the 2.759 children, the gazillions of dollars, the absolutely perfect job that lets me balance said boyfriend/fiancée/husband/sugar daddy and 2.759 children with my desire to travel everywhere, see everything, do everything and skydive. There is a reason that none of that is a part of my life at this moment in time – I’m not ready for any of it and I am so glad for that. Someday, maybe? But today I'm just happy being who I am.

I mean, can you seriously imagine me with 2.759 children….awkward….

To all of my darling readers - I wish you the happiest of days tomorrow, and in everything you do!
 

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!

I just wanted to take the time out to wish everyone out there a very Merry Christmas. Don't ever forget that Christmas isn't about how many presents that you get, but it's about the friends and family that you are with. Happy Birthday Jesus!

“I heard the bells on Christmas Day; their old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet the word repeat of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

"A picture is a poem without words"

The past semester I have been taking a few art classes (Drawing I and Design I) to prepare myself for going back to UCF in August (I started the classes before I decided on the Navy btw). We have one week left of classes and then finals the week after. Needless to say, we are done doing all of our at for the semester. I thought I would share some of pieces (the good, the bad, and the ugly).

Drawing I: this is the first still life that we did in class. It's a little loose and unfinished looking because it was the first one that we did. Gray tone pastels.

Drawing I: this was one of our homework assignments for still life. More complete looking than the first one, but still very loose looking.Gray tone pastel.

Drawing I: yet another still life. Shows a little bit more depth and what not. Gray tone pastels.

Drawing I: another still life. More complex objects (column and bust). Value reduction - covering the entire page with black charcoal and then using different textured erasers to draw the objects.


Drawing I: still life. Value reduction. My favorite piece.
Drawing I: natural object still life. Cow skull. Ink wash and charcoal pencil.

Drawing I: natural object still life. Homework assignment. Pumpkin and squash (it was around Halloween, so of course I took advantage. lol). Ink wash and charcoal pencil.

Drawing I: natural object still life. Value reduction.

Drawing I: self portraits. Gray tone pastels. I HATED doing these. I have a whole collection of random drawings that definitly look like people (extremely awkward looking people) but they look nothing like me. Proportions are off.

Drawing I: landscape/random twisted tree. The assignment was to do a landscape scene, but I ended up accidentally zooming in to much on the tree and not getting enough detail in the background. It is definitly not anywhere near being complete, but this is all I could complete in class. Ink wash and charcoal.

Design I, Assignment #1: we used a white piece of cardboard and black construction paper and had to cut out at least 65 of the same geometric shape (that we made up) in different sizes. The whole point was for it to be a study of negative space.


Design I, Assignment #2: kind of the same as the first assignment. But we had to have at least 65 pieces (combined) of black or grey, and organic (the curvy shapes) or geometric (the angled shapes). Another study on negative space.

Design I, Assignment #3: we had to take 5 different print sources and make 5 photocopies of each and make a collage out of them. We had to photocopy them in black & white so they had that "photocopied texture" as my professor said. I'm pretty sure she's legit insane.

Design I, Assignment #4: a study on grey tones. every single "shape" is a different value of grey. We all had to create our own pattern for this. She told me to enter this one in the spring Valencia art show. **btw, I'm a dumbass and forgot to crop this one and Blogger wouldn't let me delete it. Lame.**
Design I, Assignment #5: this assignment was kind of the same thing as the above but with color. We had to use 5 colors out of the 6 we had (red, yellow, green, blue, black, white) and make different colors with them. But every new color that we mae had to have at least a little of all 5 colors that you picked. I used red, yellow, blue, green, and white. My professor also told me to enter this one in the spring art show. The photo for this one and the one above really don't give them justice. They are really cool looking in real life - all the colors and lines kinda vibrate together.

My final thought of the day:

I Want Fabulous

Ever since I was younger I have known that Florida was not the place for me. I love it dearly, and it will always hold a sentimental place in my heart since I have lived here about 16 out of my 21 years of life, but I have always envisioned myself someplace more. After graduating high school financial reasons kept me in Florida for college even though I was so itching to get out. Everyday my graduation from college (hopefully UCF, but potentially UNF) creeps closer and closer, even if it is still 2 years away. With my graduation comes the big leap into the ‘real world’ which I have been awaiting for many years, all the struggles that I have been through will finally be laid to rest and I can move on with things. My first step I know will be to move out of state…I know I belong someplace fabulous, I can just feel it. New York City, Philadelphia, Boston, London, Paris, anywhere – I know Philadelphia doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the group, but my heart is there, my family is there. After everything that I have been through I deserve nothing less than fabulous, but I know it demands that I work hard for it and I am more than willing to do so.