“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

My mom has been having to give me the “everything happens for a reason” lecture/chat/what have you, a lot recently.


It’s probably weird that I remember the first time she ever gave me this lecture, but I do. It was back in my senior year of high school when her and my dad had to sit me down and tell me that they were so proud of me for getting accepted into both of my dream schools (Temple University and Drexel University….both in Philly)but they couldn’t send me for financial reasons. They told me that it broke their hearts that this was the second time they had to give this talk to one of their kids because they had just done it three years prior with my older sister when she got accepted into Boston University. They had known how excited I was to go to Philly, it was like going home. My entire family is there. And for my mom, Temple University was extra exciting because it was her alma mater.

Needless to say, both my older sister and I ended up at UCF. It just made sense. We both had full ride scholarships. My mom and dad had sat both of us (my older sister and I) down at some point during our senior year and told us that “everything happens for a reason” and there was a reason that we were meant to stay in Florida and go to school. And they were, in fact, right. I mean I probably have a list miles long of people I would have never met had I gone in a different direction other than UCF; people who I know will be in my life forever. I’ve made amazing friendships through classes, sorority life, work, and even made amazing friends through other friends. And I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world – they mean so much to me.

Recently, I’ve been calling her a lot more than normal because she is the only person who can reassure me that everything is going to be okay. I tell myself every day that it is truly going to be okay. For Pete’s sake I wrote a whole blog entry about it, I ought to be able to fully believe it by now. Every time I call her in tears she says the same thing.

“Mariah, I know it’s not an ideal situation to have happened, but you know there is a purpose for all of this happening. Just think about it, had you not left UCF you would still be miserable as a Hospitality major. You would have never discovered how passionate you are for Art/Art History and being able to take the time to step back and realize that, at Valencia is a wonderful thing. I am so proud of how you have handled this entire situation and how much you have grown in the past two years.”

It’s actually a talk a lot longer than that, but that pretty much sums it up. I usually feel a million times better upon hanging up the phone after having one of these conversations with her, but recently that doesn’t seem to be the case. I feel like this stuff with UCF is a never ending fight and I am just getting tired and worn out from it, like my spirit is just being sucked from me.

I know my mom is right though. All of this is happening for a reason. Someday in the future I will look back on it and realize what that purpose was – but for now…bah...I’m just wicked confused and frustrated about it all.

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Oh, hey there UCF, can I come back yet?

I turned in my UCF Readmission form the other day. For the third time.


When my I told my Mom that I did she told me congrats (in a serious way, not a sarcastic way).

I laughed at her.

I just don't see the point in giving out congratulatory remarks for something so ridiculous as turning in such an embarrassing form.

Now begins the series of hoops I have to jump through in the fight against the UCF Circus.

Nota Bene:

Just an FYI, the whole Navy thing has been put on the back burner for now. I was going to do it in June but then the big sis got engaged and all. I can't willing join the Navy (and be at boot camp) when I have M.O.H. duties, and the wedding in July. I promised Mom that I would try once more with UCF for August and if I get nothing from them, then September I'm doing the whole Navy thing.

Part of me wished that it actually works out with UCF, and part of me doesn't.

"A picture is a poem without words"

The past semester I have been taking a few art classes (Drawing I and Design I) to prepare myself for going back to UCF in August (I started the classes before I decided on the Navy btw). We have one week left of classes and then finals the week after. Needless to say, we are done doing all of our at for the semester. I thought I would share some of pieces (the good, the bad, and the ugly).

Drawing I: this is the first still life that we did in class. It's a little loose and unfinished looking because it was the first one that we did. Gray tone pastels.

Drawing I: this was one of our homework assignments for still life. More complete looking than the first one, but still very loose looking.Gray tone pastel.

Drawing I: yet another still life. Shows a little bit more depth and what not. Gray tone pastels.

Drawing I: another still life. More complex objects (column and bust). Value reduction - covering the entire page with black charcoal and then using different textured erasers to draw the objects.


Drawing I: still life. Value reduction. My favorite piece.
Drawing I: natural object still life. Cow skull. Ink wash and charcoal pencil.

Drawing I: natural object still life. Homework assignment. Pumpkin and squash (it was around Halloween, so of course I took advantage. lol). Ink wash and charcoal pencil.

Drawing I: natural object still life. Value reduction.

Drawing I: self portraits. Gray tone pastels. I HATED doing these. I have a whole collection of random drawings that definitly look like people (extremely awkward looking people) but they look nothing like me. Proportions are off.

Drawing I: landscape/random twisted tree. The assignment was to do a landscape scene, but I ended up accidentally zooming in to much on the tree and not getting enough detail in the background. It is definitly not anywhere near being complete, but this is all I could complete in class. Ink wash and charcoal.

Design I, Assignment #1: we used a white piece of cardboard and black construction paper and had to cut out at least 65 of the same geometric shape (that we made up) in different sizes. The whole point was for it to be a study of negative space.


Design I, Assignment #2: kind of the same as the first assignment. But we had to have at least 65 pieces (combined) of black or grey, and organic (the curvy shapes) or geometric (the angled shapes). Another study on negative space.

Design I, Assignment #3: we had to take 5 different print sources and make 5 photocopies of each and make a collage out of them. We had to photocopy them in black & white so they had that "photocopied texture" as my professor said. I'm pretty sure she's legit insane.

Design I, Assignment #4: a study on grey tones. every single "shape" is a different value of grey. We all had to create our own pattern for this. She told me to enter this one in the spring Valencia art show. **btw, I'm a dumbass and forgot to crop this one and Blogger wouldn't let me delete it. Lame.**
Design I, Assignment #5: this assignment was kind of the same thing as the above but with color. We had to use 5 colors out of the 6 we had (red, yellow, green, blue, black, white) and make different colors with them. But every new color that we mae had to have at least a little of all 5 colors that you picked. I used red, yellow, blue, green, and white. My professor also told me to enter this one in the spring art show. The photo for this one and the one above really don't give them justice. They are really cool looking in real life - all the colors and lines kinda vibrate together.

My final thought of the day:

I Want Fabulous

Ever since I was younger I have known that Florida was not the place for me. I love it dearly, and it will always hold a sentimental place in my heart since I have lived here about 16 out of my 21 years of life, but I have always envisioned myself someplace more. After graduating high school financial reasons kept me in Florida for college even though I was so itching to get out. Everyday my graduation from college (hopefully UCF, but potentially UNF) creeps closer and closer, even if it is still 2 years away. With my graduation comes the big leap into the ‘real world’ which I have been awaiting for many years, all the struggles that I have been through will finally be laid to rest and I can move on with things. My first step I know will be to move out of state…I know I belong someplace fabulous, I can just feel it. New York City, Philadelphia, Boston, London, Paris, anywhere – I know Philadelphia doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the group, but my heart is there, my family is there. After everything that I have been through I deserve nothing less than fabulous, but I know it demands that I work hard for it and I am more than willing to do so.